Selecting a Divorce Attorney

Divorce is a terrible experience to go through. In a sense, one is never really done "going through" it. My intent here, with this blog, is to, if possible, pass along a few tidbits of "lessons learned" and to pass along thoughts to ponder and actions to consider.


Do I need an attorney?

I suppose the first question to consider when selecting a divorce attorney is "when" to select a divorce attorney. I can't emphasize enough that if your marriage can be saved, SAVE IT. Divorce is not a path to that "greener pasture". Stresses and problems will occur that you can't imagine right now. People's lives will be forever and immeasurably altered.

Many of my comments are recommendations need to be tempered as to what the laws are regarding the state you live in and your personal circumstances.

Before even embarking the question of lawyers and court and all the attendant issues, you need to come to a set of realistic expectations as to what your goals are. Keep the following general guidelines and expectations in mind:

a. You will NOT get everything you want.
b. You will NOT get everything you think you deserve.
c. If you go to court, you will relinquish control of the outcomes to a 3rd party (a judge).

Much more will be said about these issues in further posts. But, as it relates to determining whether or not you need an attorney and how to select one, I offer the following advice. Regardless of how amicable your situation is with your spouse and your motivations for resolving the issues outside of court, you need to know your rights and you need to know what to expect in terms of the laws in your state. You need to know how to proceed. I would strongly recommend that you retain an attorney if at all possible, if for no other reason, than to ensure that you know the path you are embarking upon, what the potential pitfalls are and what to expect in terms of the time-line involved in getting a legally binding divorce.

In order to answer the question as to whether or not you need an attorney, you need to have a clear idea in your mind as to whether or not you understand your goals and options and the feasibility of attaining them without counsel. Now keep in mind that the determination of whether or not you need an attorney is not tied to the question of whether or not you will end up in court. However, unless you are in the rarest of circumstances where both parties are amicably disposed to agree on all issues and the state you reside in have very "easy to follow" rules and guidelines, you will likely need an attorney, if only for sporadic consultation.

As with most decisions in life, getting a personal referral is the best approach to purchasing a service.

Most lawyers will offer a free initial consultation. Don't expect the lawyer to have a crystal ball. Many clients will inevitably ask a variant of the following question: "Well, what kind of case do I have." You need to understand that that that question generally doesn't have any relevance. The divorce process has nothing to do with right vs. wrong (generally); fairness or even justice. It is a negotiating process, first and foremost. Don't expect them to tell you whether or not you should get divorced. Don't expect them to tell you how much alimony you will get, how much you will have to pay or much of anything having to do with outcomes.I will deal with this in another post, but the two most important determinants of the outcome of the divorce process is how well organized you are and how well in control you are of your emotions.

There are a few guidelines you should follow however when trying to determine a choice in a lawyer. Remember that they are selling a commodity, so at one level or another, they are in the marketing business. In general, don't be impressed with splashy, flashy web pages. It means nothing and in my opinion can indicate a lack of substance. If at all possible, get a personal referral. Unfortunately, most everyone has a personal friend who has gotten divorced. Look for professionalism. If you are a woman, should you look for an all-female firm, if possible? My even-handed opinion is that you should look very closely at such a decision. On the surface that may make you "feel good" about yourself and your case and that you are being "taken care of". I have not seen any studies that indicate you will get a better outcome. Remember, what will matter the most is how well prepared you are and how in control of yourself you are.

What should you look for when interviewing a lawyer? (and yes you must be treating this as an interview). If the lawyer starts giving you guarantees about outcomes or uses phrases like "you have a very good case and it is likely you will do well", then you should, in general, be very wary and probably should walk out. NOTHING is guaranteed in this process. The better prepared you are, the better things will likely go. However, there are simply variables outside of your control; especially, the judge assigned to your case, assuming your case goes to court.


"Do's in selecting an attorney or a law firm"

When selecting an attorney you are generally selecting the law firm and the lawyer is then generally assigned to you. Ask for an initial free consultation. Many reputable law firms will grant you that.

Look for professionalism. While the "neatest" office doesn't always guarantee the best outcome (remember the movie "The Verdict" with Paul Newman?) , a professional look and feel is important and is usually indicative of a well organized office or imply otherwise. Look for indications in the office that it is being run well. Are the phones answered professionally? Are people standing around looking like they have nothing to do?

Do your research on the internet. Look for articles written by the attorneys of the firm and their "presence" in the legal community. Look to see if that firm does any pro bono work. I personally believe that that is an indication of a certain level of professionalism. I believe the personal demeanor of the partners is a critical indicator of the firm and its attorneys. Ask to meet with one of the partners when you make your appointment. In other words, be an aggressive customer. Believe me, you will be paying for it.

What kind of questions should I ask when I meet with an attorney?

You need to treat this interview as if it were the most important interview of your life, because it is.
Be prepared with your information. Know your finances. Know your spouses finances. Be prepared emotionally. The attorney you are going to speak with is not a marriage counselor. Unless there are legal implications as to actions that your spouse has taken (e.g. abuse, physical threats; and in some states a limited number of physical abuse occurrences are not grounds for divorce) the kind of person that your spouse is, is irrelevant. You will not be "compensated" in any way, if you think you are the "good person" in the relationship. The process of getting a divorce is for all intents and purposes, a business transaction. The decision to divorce is an emotional one; you cannot allow the divorce process to become an emotional one for you.

You need to mentally and emotionally adjust your thinking to understand this. An attorney who "plays up" to you and tells or implies to you that your spouse is unfair and that "we will take him for all he or she is worth" is lying to you. An attorney who makes firm promises in terms of the outcome, is misrepresenting themselves, and the process and is generally looking to start logging billable hours. An attorney who doesn't at least encourage you and your spouse to get through the mechanics of the negotiation of the divorce on your own or via mediation, is generally not acting in your best interests; and remember that that is always their job, to act and to advise you as to what is in your best interests.

You need to be able to trust your attorney. Down the road, you will need to be able to have an attorney who will tell you things that you may not necessarily want to hear.

What will my attorney be doing for me?

Even if you and your spouse can and do agree on the issues that need to be resolved; child custody, property distribution and alimony, you should plan on an attorney to at least review your "agreements". Remember however that all decisions made are ultimately yours. You will have difficult decisions to make. Remember that you will NOT get everything you want. Your attorney may suggest that you could push for more alimony or more property. However, push can and often does lead to shove. If you have a good enough relationship with your spouse and are able to come up with agreements on these issues that you may not be ecstatic about but could live with, then be very wary of making attorney-driven modifications.  You have to be thinking of the big/long-term picture.This may well push your spouse into making similar demands. This process will inevitably deteriorate and then escalate into a situation where mediation is necessary or attorney-driven involvement in hammering out agreements is required. Your costs will escalate dramatically.

On the other end of the spectrum, in the cases where the parties involved are not able to come up with agreements or even talk, attorney involvement will quickly escalate. They will often be present during mediation. Generally this is when court involvement begins. Depositions are often taken. All of your records will be requested to be exchanged between parties. Witness lists will begin to be drawn up. And if agreements still can not be reached, the parties will end up in court. All of these activities and more will become a drain on your time and resources.

I can not overemphasize that if you can not come to an agreement with your spouse before you go to court, a judge will make the decisions for you. This may be where you are forced, but you generally need to avoid it, if you can.

As always there can always be more said about this topic. Find an honest lawyer who will act in your best long-term interests.