Divorce Consultant - Say What?

What are some of the major events that you have or will encounter in your lifetime?

• Birth of your children
• Selection of an appropriate college for your children
• Decision of and for a child to enter the military
• Death of a parent
• Purchase or sale of a home

For each of these, do you leave the decisions entirely to

• Your doctor?
• The college bursar?
• You?
• All your siblings?
• Your lender?

In each and every one of these (and more) circumstances, you consult outside sources to help you with these critical decisions. And so it is with a divorce.

Most people when contemplating, starting the process or even going through the process of divorce rely entirely and exclusively on their law firm for all the advice that they need or that they think they need. Sure, we rely on friends to get us through the process. But let's be frank. Rarely does a friend tell us anything other than what it is that we want to hear during this tumultuous process.

One might ask, and therefore assume that one's lawyer, will lead us through the process, navigate the deep and treacherous waters, look out for our welfare (and the most dangerous and most often incorrect assumption), will know everything about our personal life and situation in order to make the right decisions for us.

Let me be direct and frank. Many and perhaps even most lawyers will try and do all these things. However, if you have limited assets (less than $1,000,000) it is highly likely that you will be assigned a junior lawyer at the firm. Yes, you may well have a partner overlooking your case and assisting your attorney. But, yours is not the only case that that lawyer has. If in fact, you do have a junior attorney assigned to you, and your case ends up going more than a year a half, (which in many cases certainly will), it is VERY possible that your attorney will leave the firm in the middle of your case. That happened to me and to my ex-spouse (twice). You then have the unenviable task of either following your lawyer, which might on the surface seem like a good idea or have your case moved to another lawyer. Why would following your lawyer not be an optimal choice? Your lawyer moved to another firm probably for more money and therefore more responsibility. It is possible and probably likely that you will NOT be getting the level of attention that you were used to (and for which you were paying mightily for the priviledge). Think about it. If you went to a new job, you have a whole level or new responsibilities. Bringing "old work" with you is just going to add to your challenges.

So what is the point of this? Your lawyer does not know every detail of your life, nor what is most important to you (which may well change over time during the divorce process.) Yes, your lawyer should and will represent you during the legal process, BUT it is YOUR responsibility to be able to look into the future and determine EVERYTHING that might be important to you and your family and ENSURE that the custody, asset distribution and alimony documents (depending on your state) reflect everything that you need them to.

Here is the problem. It is highly unlikely that you will have any chance to anticipate everything that you need to when negotiating the terms of the agreement. You need someone who has been through the process to guide you through the process.

A divorce consultant is NOT a substitute for legal counsel. A good divorce consultant will not try to get in between you and your legal counsel. A good divorce consultant needs to be someone you can trust with the details of your divorce, as well understanding your goals. A good divorce consultant, as well as a good lawyer need to help you to understand that the best divorce agreement is the one where both parties are unhappy. Why do I say that? Because you will NEVER get everything you want. A good divorce consultant will tell you NOT what you want to hear, but that which reflects reality and likely outcomes.

Remember, once you have decided to divorce, the divorce process is now by and large a BUSINESS negotiation. Nothin more. A good divorce consultant can help you to begin to remove the emotional constraints that you will inevitably be experiencing. An investment in a good divorce consultant will save you money, perhaps a lot of money. Clients will very often "bond" with their attorneys. This can become a very expensive proposition.

If you live in the Phoenix, Scottsdale, Peoria or anywhere in the general Phoenix area, we can help. We will help you learn how to manage your communications with your lawyer to reduce your legal expenses. We will help you to understand your finances (if by chance you were the marriage partner that did not manage the bills). We will help you to prioritize your goals of the divorce process (For example, if you the husband, it is CRITICAL that you stay active in your children's lives. Your idea of what might work in terms of visitation for a teenage, may not be appropriate for a young child.) Both parents need to look into the future and be able to craft their agreements to deal with uncertainty. That is in many states, loss of job is usually grounds to get an alimony decree modified but it may well NOT result in modification of future college expenese.

I will be happy to meet with you discreetly for a free initial consultation.

If you need help, do not procrastinate. If you are approaching a negotiation, arbitration or court appearance and need help immediately, we can help.

I guarantee you that life will get better as you get through this difficult part of your life.


Valley Divorce Consultants
39813 N. Wisdom Way
Anthem, Arizona 85086

240-994-3340

How to limit your legal expenses

Contrary to popular belief, a higher billing rate for a lawyer does NOT imply higher legal expenses. As I mentioned in a previous post, you need to do your homework when selecting a divorce attorney or firm.

However much of the runup in legal expenses, is unfortunately due to impetuous and unprepared clients.

• When you lawyer briefs you on the calendar items for you to address, do NOT procrastinate. Your procrastination will result in your lawyer having to hand hold you through the experience. That costs money.

• When you have to generate documents; as in financial statements, answers to interrogatories, etc. BE COMPLETE. Again, being vague or incomplete will result in your legal team spending more time with you than in necessary

• Your lawyer is NOT your confidant, friend or backboard to float ideas off of. STOP EMAILING your lawyer unnecessarily. You should be in contact with your lawyer when you have questions about documents you need to produce, what the next step it, etc. but unless you want to spend a LOT of extra money, you have to put aside the "what should we do if he or she does xyz". You probably should plan on a weekly half hour telephone call with your lawyer. But every time your lawyer reads an email from you, you have probably just spend a quarter of an hour, at least. You have to ask yourself, what is it that my lawyer can DO with the contents of the email that I am sending. Most often, it is NOTHING.

Out of Court Negotiations

Anything you can do to stay out of court while protecting your interests is a good thing. You MUST realize however that you are NOT going to get everything you want. Once you have decided to divorce, it is a negotiation. If your ex won't negotiate in good faith, then simply let the process continue. And I know that it is not simple. 

Generally you will have to end up with alimony, property settlement and visitation agreements. Anything that you can negotiate without the lawyers involved is a good thing. Try and build some momentum by getting the property agreement done first.  However, keep your attorney apprised once you get to visitation issues and most importantly, alimony. You might want to consider or the court will mandate alternative forms of dispute resolution, mediation, etc. You might want to consider that but don't feel that you MUST come out of those negotiations with an agreement, because it will most likely then be a bad agreement for you.

Do it yourself

There will be a number of documents that will be required to produce over time or provide input to your attorney to prep for negoations and/or trial. In many cases, people are so emotionally involved in the circumstances of the divorce, that it is often difficult or impossible to focus on the tasks involved to go through years of bills, and checks and credit card receipts. Many clients will pay their attorneys to do this.

Consider ways to absorb that workload yourself or talk to us at Valley Divorce Consultants to help you with these and other tasks.
 

Divorce Consultant

One might wonder, how does paying "another" professional help to reduct your legal expenses?
Most people will to some degree "bond" with their attorney during legal proceedings. This is natural. You are opening up the most intimate experiences of your life, all your personal information and potentially embarrassing experiences and choices you have made.

Unfortunately, it is very often the case that you will be spending a lot of money "communicating" with your lawyer, not because your attorney needed information, but because you thought and more accurately "felt" that your lawyer needed to know information. It is most often the case, and I have gone through this experience, that that information exchange did NOT need to happen when I felt it did. As a result the emails and phone calls, while seeming and feeling critical to you at the time were uinnecessary. This is not to say that the information would not be ultimately necessary for your counsel to know, but most often, it is best to "bundle up" issues to talk to your attorney about, usually once a week.

We at Valley Divorce Consultants can teach you the techniques to manage those communications and in some cases teach you how to resolve some of those issues yourself or to prioritize issues, focusing on the most important first.

Despite all the emotional issues involved in a divorce proceeding (and most often involving separation also), the process will get expensive. But YOU can manage that process. We can help you to reduce those costs.

A divorce is a life changing event, obviously. It will be expensive. However, there are ways to manage your costs and still get as good of an outcome as possible.

Know Your Finances

Most states require financial statements to be submitted as part of the divorce process. In most households, one person usually handles the finances. If you are the one who is not handling the finances, then you need to embark on a crash course in understanding your finances.

Note that when considering finances, there are two broad categories to consider, assets and liabilities, for one, and then also income.

As always, you need to know and follow the laws of your state that you reside in and/or are going to file in. As always consult with your attorney,  but generally speaking, there is no expectation of privacy in a household. That is, you can go look at your spouses computer and any financial paperwork in the house. Note that the same can be done to you. Get your computer password protected AND have it checked to make sure that nefarious software like keyboard loggers are not resident. Better yet, if you have a laptop only, keep it locked in your car when you are not using it.

Determine all the assets and liabilities

If you can talk to your spouse about this, do that first. Find out about all the assets and liabilities that you own together AND that you own separately.

• Sit down and make a list from memory of everything that you can think of that you own together (financial assets) as well as liabilities.
• Make copies of EVER piece of financial information you can find.
• Get and access every online account you have individually and jointly. This applies to investment accounts, credit card bills, utility bills .... everything. Download every statment available.
• If you are joint on any of those accounts and the password changes, then call the company back and get it changed again or if possible get your own access to that account.
• Make copies of all deeds to real estate, car vehicles, ... basically every piece of information with respect to assets and liabilities that is in the house or that you have access to.
• Make copies of your spouses credit reports.

Isolate your portion of the maritial financial assets

• This one is critical to discuss with your lawyer first, but you must take every step possible to isolate your legal portion of shared financial assets. That is, you don't want your spouse to pull your portion of assets and dispose of the assets. What you can legally do varies greatly from state to state. Some states would allow you to withdraw your portion of the assets and deposit them with the court. You must at least however be aware of what assets are there and what the balances were at any point in time.

Use the internet

• There is a lot (probably too much) of private financial information on the internet; property tax records, legal judgment records, home purchase records, etc. Do you homework.

Get your  own accounts

• Get your own checking and savings accounts. Have your own pay checks deposited to your own account. Do this immediately once you have decided to divorce regardless of whether any filings have occurred. In many states, a filing can not even occur until after a set period of time of physical separation has occurred.

• Start logging all your finances in Quicken or something similar. You will HAVE to come up with something like this for the divorce proceedings. Keep the receipts to document the numbers you are claiming.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF FINANCIALS

• Especially if your children are young, you must get the crystal ball out and determine what kind of expenses you are going to have in the future. Many people underestimate this and find themselves in a bind later. This can include costs for vacations, college expenses, etc. Remember that once your kids get into middle and high school, they are going to have activities that cost money; sports, band, etc.

• If you are on the receiving end of alimony, REMEMBER, there is no guarantee that your ex's financial situation may change resulting in reduction or elimination of alimony. P:LAN AHEAD.

As with all aspects of divorce, and divorce planning, financial issues play a role of critical importance. Many or most people going through a divorce are dealing with emotional stresses that make it nearly impossible to deal with these issues effectively. Find a friend or a confidant if you have to, but don't ignore issues such as this. You and your children could suffer the consequences for many many years.